change

there are so many things i want to say, things i couldn't say infront of my peers. But when you start to develop emotions for the people you normally find comfort in.. well i guess i'm paranoid if they saw anything i wrote about them. So now i'm avoiding writing all the intense things i have a meaning to me, and i feel like such a recluse with only me knowing how i really feel, and for that one person will not know how i really feel.
i found this on my phone, i must of wrote it in december time.. i'm not sure why i'm "blogging" it now, but it feels right seen as there have been some pretty big things happen in my life which involve this person<3

you've made me who i am

the things that has shaped my life:
family, tradition, friendship, celebrities, budda, cookies, poetry, bellybuttons, darkness, horoscope, christopher drew ingle, lonely, art, heartache, theatre, secrets, teddy, life, love, parties, twitter, insecurities, blog, bowling for soup. you<3

I have a guardian angel, she doesn't grant wishes or sprinkle fairy dust,

rather she tells me, when I should, when I shouldn't and when I must.

At first sight I wouldn't of know, the kind of protection she would of shown,

you've helped me through the good and bad, for meeting you I am so glad.

Forever you will hold me in your arms, because of you I shall never be harmed.

I live each day I have in humbless and in care.

I can never deny your presence, you fill my heart with song,

all the sad thoughts simply disapear, knowing i'm not alone.

I feel your calming presence, enfolded by your love,

and let your life be guided, from a power from above.

Psssssssssssssssssssssssst. I didn't write this, just got lines from different poems and put them together ;)

<3>

beyond repair

people suspect a happy go-lucky girl a contious smile a care free world, no-one would suspect insecurities nor heartache beyond repair.
.

Moving on

I've completly convinced myself I'm over it. But there is always slight doubt, If you love something. You can never fully let go. I got as close as could be, but I always seem to hear their name, see their face, hear their words, and I still do feel my throat tingeling, my eyes watering. I miss them; It almost feels like they don't want me to forget, like I should of never given up. But, it's never as simple. I keep telling myself, it's better if i don't reconnect, after everything they put me through, after I convinced myself I hate them. But the truth is. . .
I can't hate them. I don't hate them. I never can hate them.

Goodbye

I never wanted to make you choose, but in talking to you, all it seems to bring me, is tears. I know I was accused of playing a game, and I was. But not what you think, all i wanted is for you to realise who she really is, just to prove im not the bad guy. In attempt to do that, I was the one who is getting hurt. Alot. I can't carry on the cycle of prosperity. It's too much. I don't need this drama in my life especially drama based upon lies. So, I'm going to choose. The only way to get out, is to lose touch. Which is exactly what I'm doing. So Goodbye.

Playing with my emotions...

I used to get butterflies reading his every word. I used to smile at every pointless little sentence but now, all I feel is heartache and tears. I never got to hear the voice behind the words. I never got the chance to say how I really feel, and now I never will. But I've been told "to be strong, he's not worth your tears" So why am I still crying? Why is his name scribbled all over my diary? I know it's only been two days. But I miss them. A lot. But who am I kidding, they're over it so so should I be.

I guess this is closure.