beyond repair

people suspect a happy go-lucky girl a contious smile a care free world, no-one would suspect insecurities nor heartache beyond repair.
.

Moving on

I've completly convinced myself I'm over it. But there is always slight doubt, If you love something. You can never fully let go. I got as close as could be, but I always seem to hear their name, see their face, hear their words, and I still do feel my throat tingeling, my eyes watering. I miss them; It almost feels like they don't want me to forget, like I should of never given up. But, it's never as simple. I keep telling myself, it's better if i don't reconnect, after everything they put me through, after I convinced myself I hate them. But the truth is. . .
I can't hate them. I don't hate them. I never can hate them.

Goodbye

I never wanted to make you choose, but in talking to you, all it seems to bring me, is tears. I know I was accused of playing a game, and I was. But not what you think, all i wanted is for you to realise who she really is, just to prove im not the bad guy. In attempt to do that, I was the one who is getting hurt. Alot. I can't carry on the cycle of prosperity. It's too much. I don't need this drama in my life especially drama based upon lies. So, I'm going to choose. The only way to get out, is to lose touch. Which is exactly what I'm doing. So Goodbye.

Playing with my emotions...

I used to get butterflies reading his every word. I used to smile at every pointless little sentence but now, all I feel is heartache and tears. I never got to hear the voice behind the words. I never got the chance to say how I really feel, and now I never will. But I've been told "to be strong, he's not worth your tears" So why am I still crying? Why is his name scribbled all over my diary? I know it's only been two days. But I miss them. A lot. But who am I kidding, they're over it so so should I be.

I guess this is closure.

Everything I'm not

Artistic, beautiful, witty, intelligent, pretty, intriguing, natural beauty, great, astonishing, thought provoking, brilliant, charming, sweet, slim, neat, attractive, socially accepted, graceful, angelic, classy; perfect.

Everything people like

Everything Im not.

Perhaps...

Perhaps the secret to life, is not trying to figure out the true meaning. The pure thought of something as complex and extraordinary as LIFE itself should remain a mystery. For example when you wake up from a dream and try to figure it out, it isn't merely as intriguing as your imagination created. . . When I hear my friends talk about their future I find myself really confused because I don't know what I want to do as a career, I dont know where life will lead me. I don't know what life beholds.

Some people say "plan for the future" but tomorrow is never promised.

So how am I supposed know what I want to do as a career, how will I know when I'm truly happy?

Instead of trying to perfect every tiny detail, I'm just going to follow life, and take any opportunity that will help me find myself.

Grown immune?

Im sure everyone has felt betrayed before, felt like there is no way out of the emotional trauma, quite recently i have felt that way. I got myself so worked up at the sight of it. But now i feel like i have cried everything out, and i don't feel any pain but I'm not sure what to think. Its got me down so many times, maybe i have become immune. But for some reason, i don't want to be. It just seems odd accepting something that was supposed to be mine. I mean, I am one to hold a grudge, but only for good reason. And at this moment in time, I intend to keep it, but is it really worth it, if I'm feeling no pain?

Never again

I don't find trust in many people. My secrets are my own, but I grew close to them, really close, then there is no backing out. It started to mean so much. Head over heels you might say, i couldn't deny it. But its never longed lived. Heartbroken is a strong word. But the only one which truly describes how I feel... But now Its not up to me to chose the ending.

No stranger

We all have them days.

The days when you think your world is going to end

The days where you are even more self concious and paranoid about what society are thinking about you

The days when your holding back the tears

Those days are no stranger to anybody

But..

We all have the days..

The days where you feel great about yourself.

The days that you cant help but smile

The days when your trying to hold back your laughter

Those days are no stranger to anybody

And even though you may think the bad days are hellish and ruthless just remember they are what give you the greater inspirational days.

Inspired by Danni

Half Great At Life

Many people know their destiny, where life will lead them. They have it all planned out, to a great career, to a partner and children. Some people are given talent's, I say some, we were all supposed to be given talents, but do you ever think, perhaps "God" forgot to give you one? I do.

Im not implying that im a failure at life, just not naturally good at it.

Some aspects, I suppose could be worse but could be a hell of alot better too. For example: I love drama, the whole concept of creating a false identity and acting out other peoples emotions just intrigues me. But I wouldnt say im good enough to pursue it as a career.

I'm passionate about music, there is actually nothing i love more, but seen as i can't sing or play an instrument that road seems impossible. I'm not saying that i wouldn't be prepared to do the hard work that comes along with talent, because after all hard work beats talent, It's just confusing knowing that i don't have a special thing that i can say "Yes, that is what i want to be"

And so I do believe I am half great at life.